Thursday, January 31, 2013

Son Snatcher



Hands down the funnest blog ever!  I had to pass this along.  


Warning!!!  If you are super senstive bypass this post.  I however, find it very funny because it has to be a fear/thought of every mother with sons.  Hope you get a good laugh...


THE MOTHER IN LAW PRENUP

By Scary Mommy contributor, Jenny Isenman 

The moment you bring a baby boy into the world, you start to wonder when he’s going to leave you. That’s right. You know that one day he’ll leave you for another woman — even though he’ll propose to you all through toddlerhood and tell you that you are the only girl for him.

Liar. 

You’re already quite certain that the woman he marries will probably resent you for being so awesomely cool. And you’re betting she’ll do whatever she can to break the strong bond you have with your sweet prince. Women say it’s good to marry mama’s boys, but they don’t really want to deal with the mama part.

Wenches!

My husband has told me time and time again to cut the cord… no f*****g way! I’m waiting until that thing rots and falls off. I mean, for how much longer is he going to say “I love you” when he walks out the door, or hug me in front of his friends, or ask me to lie with him at night? Frankly, I don’t know, but I won’t be the one to stop it.

If he’s 40 and wants me to lie with him and scratch his arm, I’ll be all “Move over, Megan,” or whatever his unappreciative, son-stealing wife’s name is.

Let’s be honest: he may be 5 now, but before we know it, he’ll be shaving, and driving, and then he’ll leave us to go to college somewhere cold. Then he’ll get married and move to be near her mother, because that’s what girls make boys do: move near their mothers! Then he’ll be a father, and then one fine holiday he’ll have “wifey” call us to cancel our plans. Then he’ll try to make up for it by sending one of those Harry & David gift baskets filled with pears, because he’ll remember that we love pears, but they’ll be bruised — like our hearts.

No, we can’t go down that road. We have to take a stand against son stealing right now.

We’ll make those Jezebels pay… no, sign! Yes, a contract for us to make them sign, besides the pre-nup. That’s right, like using WiFi in Starbucks, they’ll have to agree to our terms.

This is a MIL-nup, and it goes like this…

The Mother In Law Prenup

    • I will compliment my mother-in-law’s (MIL’s) cooking, her decorating, and, most importantly, the incredible way she raised her son, my husband.
    • I will marvel at my MIL’s beauty and miraculously never-aging skin every time I see her.
    • I will acknowledge that my MIL’s son is on loan to me so that we can make grandbabies, which will probably look like her and have her wonderful traits, which I will mention in conversation frequently and with great fervor.
    • I will remind my husband to call my MIL daily, saying, “Have you told your mother you love her today? You should, she rocks.” Plus, I will throw in phrases like this:
      .
      • “That amazing woman raised you! You should call and thank her… again.”
      • “You can truly never thank her enough.”
      • “Let’s go over and thank her in person.”
      • “We should bring her a gift when we go.”
      • “She’s so deserving of gifts.”
      • “Let’s take her on vacation with us.”
      • “And get her another gift.”
      • “Maybe a beautiful locket with pictures of you and our children.”
      • No, I don’t need to be in the pictures; she didn’t raise me… unfortunately.”
    • I will tell other women that their mothers-in-law are not as fabulous as mine, and I shall be willing to throw down in the event that said women disagree.
    • I will take my MIL to her weekly hair salon appointment and shopping at Loehmann’s, when it is deemed necessary by age.
    • I will spend all holidays with my husband’s family, because they are so awesome and gracious, and I realize how much mine sucks by comparison.

And lastly:

    • I will move to be near my MIL, whether she has retired to Century Village in Florida, decides to live in a nudist colony in Arizona, or goes bat-s**t crazy and moves to Alaska for the fresh sushi. She is so wise and wonderful that I’m sure her choice of habitat will suit me and my husband perfectly!

Oh, and:

  • My MIL can so live with me and my husband when she’s old and can’t remember who I am.

There. You can print this to be signed when the inevitable happens. I just saved you from losing your sweet, sweet boy.

You’re welcome.

Monday, January 21, 2013

This was a hard one...


It's been a while since my last blog post.  Honestly, I haven't even wanted to blog.  To be 100% honest, I've been on a little dance with the devil.  It was something.  Not like I was ever worried about my well being, or that I was going to go off the deep end or anything, but I can say with complete confidence that I have never experienced anything like it before.

I think it really started when I lost my grandmother.  It was like I  realized for the first time that life is short and it REALLY does go by fast.  After her funeral I just kind of put all those feelings on the back burner.  Months later,  my daughter turned 11.  In my mind, my life started replaying the last 11 years in fast forward.  It was football season, and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Running to soccer practice, going to flag football, games on Friday, Saturday and Sunday... all while I started back to school.  Hoping I was making the best decision for myself and family.  Trust me when I say, I am NOT looking for sympathy here.  I get it...everyone is busy and has their own issues.  I don't take one single day for granted.  I count my blessings and I'm well aware that I have been blessed.  I have a supportive family, the best friends anyone could ask for, my health, and a job that works well for me.

A few days ago I came across this saying about Gemini's.  It fits me well...


It got me thinking.  Why not talk about what I'm truly feeling. Why pretend that everyday is perfect because it's just not?  I consider myself a very laid back person, maybe to a fault.  I am accepting of anyone and everyone.  I am a black or white person...it either is or it isn't.

So, looooong story short. I began to question my life.  It's not a secret. I was 6 months pregnant when I got married.  I have a love for my daughter that is indescribable.  She has made me who I am.  We have figured out our last 11 years together.  I had to grow up faster than I wanted to, make decision before I was ready to, and be a wife before I wanted to.... All of that to say, I started questioning everything.  Was I really doing what I was supposed to be doing?  

I can whip up some mean mac and cheese, comfort a sick baby, talk 24/7 about breast feeding, study spelling test, sing Barney songs...the list goes on.  But, was this it?  A mom?  I had this constant thought that kept popping in my mind that there was more.  

I don't want to sound selfish, but really I kept thinking what have I done for me?  I just wanted more...it was that simple.  So, I made some goals.  

1. Be yourself.
2. Be around people that will inspire you not bring you down.
3. Lose the drama...in all parts of my life.  Ain't nobody got time for that!!!
4. Look in my kids eyes everyday...like really look in their eyes.
5. Right when I wake up list five things I'm grateful for.
6. Help someone out everyday.
7. Go back to school.
8. Be more spontaneous.
9. Eat clean.
10. Work my a*% off everyday, so I can get in the best shape of my life. 

Looking back the best way I can describe it is this visual I kept having in my head.  I was at the bottom of this hill with a heavy backpack on, and the sun was hot.  I was just walking, and walking, and walking, and walking.  Sometimes, my head was down while walking, and sometimes my head was looking up to see how much further I had to go.  I'm almost at the top of hill.  I'm almost over all these doubts and fears.  I got there from setting goals, and turning my doubts into spending time at the gym or doing something I love. 

When I step back and look at my life, I know I wouldn't change a thing.  My kids are my life.  And really, that is all that truly matters.

So, here is to 2013. It's going to be the best year yet.

Choose Love


Cassi